LEVEL 3 / Practitioner · Communication
Sorry, Without the Footnotes
The whole apology, with no “if,” no “but” and no supporting documents.
Case file
On Sunday, Hana spent the morning making a walnut cake for her father’s seventieth birthday. At ten to four she left to collect him, and asked Pete to take it out of the oven at 4:10. Pete said, “Yep.”
At five the cake was removed by Hana. It had the color and weight of a paving stone.
Pete apologized at once. “I’m sorry you’re upset.” This was poorly received, so he tried, “Sorry, but you didn’t set a timer.” Then, “I’m sorry if the cake got overdone.” The fourth attempt was sent by text from the next room and began, “As I said.”
By dinner he had apologized four times and had not yet mentioned doing anything.
LESSON 1 · FREE PREVIEW
The apology grading scale
The Examinations Board marks apologies on a five-grade scale. Most candidates are surprised to learn where they sit.
The lowest grade goes to “I’m sorry you feel that way.” It expresses regret about something located entirely inside the other person, and can be delivered in full by someone who believes they did nothing. One grade up is “Sorry, but,” an apology with a counterclaim attached. Above that is “I’m sorry if,” which places the offense under investigation: the cake may or may not have burned, and inquiries are continuing.
The pass mark is reached with a plain “Sorry,” usually addressed to the floor. It is sincere and it contains no information. Your partner cannot tell whether you are sorry for the cake, for the tone you took afterward, or in general.
The top grade names the thing. “I forgot the cake. You spent all morning on it and it was for your dad. I’m sorry.” Three short sentences, and no clause in any of them for the speaker to stand behind.
The lower grades are popular for a reason. Each one lets you say the word “sorry” while keeping hold of your innocence, and nobody enjoys putting that down. But your partner can hear the difference in under a second. They have been receiving your apologies for years, and they know your handwriting.
LESSON 2 · FREE PREVIEW
Say what you did, with a verb
LESSON 3 · FREE PREVIEW
Stop before the “but”
The Registrar rulesSay what you did, say you are sorry, and stop. The next sentence you want to add is the footnote.
LESSON 4 · FREE PREVIEW
Receiving one: take it, or say “not yet”
LESSON 5 · FREE PREVIEW
Say what changes, then change it
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